Santa Clarita Diet

Santa Clarita Diet

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Disclaimer

The following is for entertainment purposes only.

Zombies everywhere have had it bad for a number of decades now. Media has been covering only the negative side of the zombie life and to a zombie, the representations being made for them may be so far from real life. With the Santa Clarita Diet documentary, zombies may now have something to be really thankful for. Since February 3 of this year, Netflix has been airing its documentary of the life of Sheila; a simple wife, mom, and realtor who is just like any ordinary woman making life work and dreaming for more. Turned zombie not by choice (for who would voluntarily want to get out, be bitten by a zombie and become one?), the show covers all the changes she has been going through.

Diet Plan for the Undead

Finally, there is a diet plan that the undead can actually follow! Health sites have been giving tips and resources for plain humans for a long, long time now and none have tried giving time to providing food and diet tips that will benefit the zombies of our society. The Santa Clarita Diet which Sheila lives by has been proving to work for her and for other zombies like her, it may really be well worth a try. Of course, this diet plan should only be followed by zombies. Humans should not follow this plan, duh! It’s meant to address the specific needs of zombies.

Human Support

The No. 1 must have on the diet plan is human support. Yes, food is not the only consideration here. Zombies are a bit handicapped so it will be extremely hard to maintain a diet plan for the undead if you don’t have human support. You’ll be found out immediately and would no longer be able to sustain your need for food. So, before embarking on this diet plan, make sure you have humans to help you acquire suitable food for you. Sheila is really blessed to have a supportive husband like Joel and a supportive daughter like Abby. They’ve accepted her new lifestyle now and have been open to understanding this new way of living and eating. Find your support team before you commence this diet plan.

Transitioning Stage Diet Plan

On the onset of your transitioning, you may want to up your stock of meat and have them pre-cooked so you’d just have to reheat them in the microwave. Sheila and Joel have both noticed a sudden increase in appetite for pure meat which Joel wasn’t ready for. He ran out of meat and had to go out for a quick trip to the butcher. Any support team member wouldn’t want this happening as you need to maintain careful watch of your undead loved one especially during the most vulnerable times. Unfortunate things may happen in just a blink of an eye.

As you go further into the transitioning stage, you may notice a change of liking from cooked meat to raw. This may be accommodated as it helps cut down cooking time and saves you gas or electricity costs. Simply bring out frozen meat to thaw or have the microwave thaw it a short time for you.

 It is important to do your utmost best to stay in the transitioning stage for as long as you can. Sheila was advised to avoid or delay the taste for human flesh for as long as she could muster the strength to do so. The documentary was very transparent in covering this failure and Sheila’s personal experience should serve as a warning to zombies out there to delay eating human flesh for as long as you can.

Transformed Stage Diet Plan

In this stage, the zombie in you is fully out, fully realized, fully awakened. This diet plan poses some challenges as you have moved on to specialty food: human flesh. With one taste of human flesh, life (or un-life) changes, you develop an aversion to animal meat, dead or alive. You also find that you cannot eat dead human flesh, it has to be fresh. Well, it would have been simpler if you could just secure your specialty food off the market just like other humans do. But no, you’re gonna have to tire your own ass for it from now on. You have lived the hunter’s life now, taking full responsibility for your sustenance. And you will need the aid of your support team to quietly procure human meat with you.

Chasing Neighbors

Choose your menu from those nearby. Sheila and Joel have come up with good criteria for suitable meat:

  1. Consume bad guys. This gives your killing a purpose. One less evil guy on the planet is a service to humanity!
  2. Consume humans caught in an accident. This lessens the guilt and helps toward waste disposal. You don’t need to murder anyone, plus you get to help the community get rid of dead bodies free of charge!

Excessive Vomiting

Remember to chew well and not to overeat. Aim healthy food portions and refuse the urge to gobble up food. A human body can supply you with a number of meals so chop one to pieces and store any unused meat in a freezer. Prepare what you only need to consume. Don’t binge. Also, eat your food the way you did when you were a simple human. Remember that time? Maintain table manners. This helps eliminate or lessen vomiting. Also, stick to fresh meat as anything not fresh may cause stomach upset.

Meal Preparations

You may simply eat human meat by itself in chunks. You may also cut it into smaller pieces and blend together for a filling smoothie.

Santa Clarita Diet Review

Sheila is a strong testimony of the positive results that come from following the Santa Clarita Diet Plan. It improves your mood and adds purpose to life. You get to feel better because you don’t see yourself as a plain criminal but a killer for good. The diet greatly boosts overall health, increasing energy levels and toning your body. It is a high protein diet so you get all the benefits those expensive protein powder shakes and meals offer bodybuilders and weightwatchers.

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